THE FOOD WE LOVE… Burn, Baby, Burn

We half-dead burn calories and energy just like the breathers do, and just like the fully alive, we need to eat to keep functioning. The rate at which we burn through these reserves differs vastly, however. A Toxic laying low for a while may just need to eat once or twice a week, but using Vectors, regrowing limbs, or exerting the body will increase the nutritional needs far beyond that of a normal human. As the needs are very different, so are the dietary choices. Motor oil, for example, is a fantastic source of calories if one can find the stomach for it.

 

You Can Eat Anything Now!

You can eat anything now! You can shake Miracle-Gro on your fried rice like it was hot sauce, or pour Valvoline on your pancakes like it was maple syrup, or chew Roundup like it was cough medicine. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Everything’s got a consequence, and it ain’t always just bad breath.

 

Customer Reviews

“I love broken glass. I’m serious! It’s less of a spice than something I just sprinkle in for mouthfeel. Now, paint thinner… THAT has a real kick. I like to think of it as Toxic grappa. Freon punch is something special. It’s a light high but full of pleasant feelings. Sometimes I like to chew on bones and suck on marrow. That really chills me out.

When I decide to break the rules and ignore a Canon or two, I’ll chow on breathers with special diseases or medical conditions. I know how it sounds, but that’s exotic gourmet dining for us, pal. Industrial fertilizerwhat we call nitrogen chaseris real nice to season your human food. It makes it so you can really taste it. Some whack jobs like to gnaw on electrical wire (gizmo spaghetti, they call it), but to me that’s just dumb. Zero calories. Motor oil tastes like shit but at least it pumps you up. Embalming fluid, though… that shit’s the bomb. Nothing like it, whether you drink it or smoke it.”

My name is Big Morsel, and I am the original Toxic gourmand; and let me tell you something: just because you CAN eat anything—animal, vegetable or mineral—doesn’t mean you SHOULD. However, once you train your palate properly, there are things you’ll discover about food that would blow a poor breather’s mind. Ah! There really is nothing like the smell of napalm… wafting out of the kitchen!”

Written by Balthazar Black

12 Comments

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